6 Years to find Sunshine

At some point during the last few days I had decided I needed to make a new wreath for my front door...

My mother-in-law has been trying to get me to make her something like this for a month or so now...

And of course I can understand why, this is so beautiful and happy. 

So, inspired by this one above, and this one below, I set to work:

My mother-in-law had some large decorative spools of orange and yellow linen, and so I took 2 yellow and I politely borrowed some of her burlap wired ribbon with green accents. 

I wrapped my wire form in a layer of white tulle to start. Then I made several bundles of the burlap and tied it on to the form off-center. I must have fussed with my ideas for a bit before I settled on what to do. And finally, I ended up with this:

I made my very own 'Sunflower'. If only I had truly had some silk ones to add to this. Maybe I can stop by the store tomorrow and pick up a few. 

The yellow, bright and vibrant, is a piece of me, and also how I remember my mom. 

The picture on the left is her in a yellow dress while pregnant with me. I always associated her personality with yellow, even before I found this picture. 

You see, 6 years ago on July 2nd my life changed. I went to go check in on my mom, who at the time had been in hospice. The moment I walked in that morning, and set my keys down, I turned around just in time to watch her eyes close for the last time. My sunshine, my mom, had moved on. 

And while I know that one shouldn't remember a date for a death, my grief hasn't quite allowed me to move on. But today, 6 years after the fact, I finally have. Today, for the first time, I was OK, not just saying it, but I was actually alright. 

Just another day. 

I called and checked in with my Dad, which I often do, and he seemed surprised that I wasn't calling to express my sorrow. 

It took me 6 years to find the sunshine. To find the happiness on what was once a dark day. 

Yes, I had a moment or two where I quietly cried and passed the moment listening to songs she enjoyed, but I was truly OK today. 

And by making this wreath, bright yellow, in all its glory, I continued to make my day happy. Scrapping and crafting has become my therapy. Something my mom once loved herself. 

I chose to remember her today, and to finally let the sunshine back into my life. 

Until we meet again,

C.Jackson